v-O-le Deer!

This morning while walking my dog Myles, he was VERY excited to discover a VOLE hiding near the walking path within the range of the leash. He had no hesitation in killing it, it’s little skull crunching easily between his jaws. I was FURIOUS immediately.

FURIOUS at him.

FURIOUS at myself for: -not being able to see it, -not being able to save it, -not being able to be okay with it, -for the violent thoughts I had toward my beloved dog at that moment.

I yanked him, vole in mouth, toward the edge of the tall grass, hoping to give it a reasonable resting place. He dropped it, sniffing it. No real desire to eat it, almost as if just checking to see if the hunting “game”was over. I yanked him back onto the path too harshly. So angry. Trying to get my emotions in check.

My thoughts were no help:

-looking for blame, “NO! bad dog!”

-desiring to punish, my mind quickly countering: he is a predator, it isin his NATURE to kill the vole, he’s weeding out the weak...etc

-struggling to take correct action: forcing myself to walk without pulling on the leash

The fire of anger had already ignited. It was burning strong. Maybe walk faster?

As I looked up, a large fawn came down from the trees and onto the path. He stopped, ears up, staring at us.

Normally, seeing a deer would result in Myles LOSING HIS MIND with excitement. Barking, pulling, shaking. Once, in the past, he pulled the leash out of my hand and scaled a 6 FOOT CEMENT BARRICADE to chase a deer along the same trail.

Maybe it was because of his recent kill, or my anger. Honestly, I don’t know why, but he just stood quietly with me, watching.

After a few moments, the fawns mother came down too. She observed us without concern. So, we started gradually walking toward her. Myles didn’t even pull!?!

Then, a man on a bike came from the other direction on the trail and startled the deer. They trotted away onto a side path and disappeared. The fawn wagging his white tail as he moved away.

As we walked past the point they had veered away, THE DOE CAME BACK, out of the trees, standing in the middle of the path, ears up, staring at me. She was only 8 feet away. Our gaze held for a few moments. I felt the tears rush up from my chest and out of my eyes.

Thank you, I told her with my heart. We walked on. Myles was content. I was sobbing.

Avoiding the gaze of the runners passing from the other direction.